Like many, the marking of the end of 2020 came with enthusiasm. It’s been a long–difficult–road for all of us. So when the clock struck midnight and we were able to say hello to 2021, I had a few hours of feeling hopeful. Waking in the morning of January 1, 2021 I realized there is still a long way to go.

A late start to the day, and that feeling of the eyes not wanting to open due to the amount of alcohol consumed (or possibly the smoke from the bonfire) the previous evening made it a struggle to wake. The day began like any other, a reach for the phone to see what possible headlines were missed in my eight hours of sleep.

With the sky gray, the clouds dark building for rain to wash away the lingering stench of 2020, my eyes landed on the headline:

“How to Feel Sexy Again in a Post-Lockdown World”

Of course I clicked on the link. I’m a 41 year old, single woman, who due to the financial constraints of the year had to move across country into her parents house in the hopes that I have longer to pay my bills. I could use any help I can get.

But all I got was the sub headline: “Few people report feeling sexy in the pandemic. But there are ways to reignite the spark.”

Then the Wall Street Journal and Apple News+ wanted payment to learn their views on how I could reignite that spark. Sadly, my money has other commitments. So I’m left wondering: how do I feel sexy in this crazy time of being told to stay home, don’t talk to strangers, and wash the dirt off your hands continually.

A part of me feels as though (and maybe you’re with me on this one) I’m in one of those crazy horror movies with a parent making their child wash their mouth out with soap, or take a bath in bleach, or whatever crazy thing it is they do in horror movies that I know I get too scared to watch. Only the parent is government, and the parents are quarreling as they disagree on priorities and how to raise their children leaving the child in limbo while they’re being bullied by their peers, and you just know it’s going to end badly with pigs blood thrown everywhere or a poltergeist escaping from the TV.

None of these things help with the “spark” to feel sexy.

For the last ten months I have been in little else than sweat pants or pajamas. I haven’t put on makeup. I’ve worn my glasses instead of contacts. Most days I can’t even remember if I brushed my hair. My weekly outing has been the grocery store, and even that is gone now that I’m here at the parents. Now I’ve never been one to put the full effort into the routines women have been taught (or are learning) to put themselves through to “make them feel good,” but I had my own routines. Now, I’m wondering if I’ve begun to lose all enthusiasm in putting in the effort. Is this what makes a women feel sexy? Why is it, whenever I think of the idea of what “feeling sexy” means, it comes because of another’s recognition of my body? Is lingerie and a partner required to feel sexy? Is a low cut dress and the acknowledged stare of a stranger at the bar the thing that makes us feel sexy or worthwhile?

Good God, I hope not!

There are two definitions of the word sexy in the dictionary on my phone. The first gravitates to the erotic: “sexually suggestive or stimulating” (and may I just add I hate definitions of words that use the word to define it), the second suggests the appealing: “generally attractive or interesting”.

I think it’s high time we redefine our primary use of the word sexy from it’s erotic definition to that of appealing. Every time in my life when I’ve truly felt “sexy” it’s been when I’ve been doing what I love and sharing it with others. I’d like my sexiness to be viewed in all my interests and my attempts to succeed in learning them rather than the outfit I’m wearing at the time. Having interests a person wants to share has always made me look at that person as appealing, attractive, and yes, sexy.

So in this New Year, I’m taking back my sex appeal. It’s time to get back to my interests and joys in life: sharing stories, writing, reading a good book and talking about it, painting a new watercolor, baking as much good food as I can muster, spending time with friends (please 2021, make this possible soon), seeing the world and finding how I fit within it.

Let’s face it, how can our spark be reignited if we don’t see how sexy we already are within it?!